Friday, February 21, 2014

Questions NOT 2 ASK a Mom

7. I bet you’re busy huh?
Really? You think I’m busy? No effing way. Those little turds have pretty much been on their own since day one.  I’ve got too many bon-bons to eat to deal with needy children all day.

6. Don’t you know what causes that?
Well, see here’s the thing.  When I was a kid my parents always taught me to find something I was good at and stick with it.  So I did.  I’m dedicated like that yo. 

5. Are you going to have any more?
I don’ t know, I keep trying for a unicorn and it just hasn't happened yet. Maybe I’m doing something wrong.

4. How do you do it?
Do what? Breathe? Hula hoop? Drive a car? Oh, you mean keep my kids alive, right? I drink a lot. Like all the time. And I just put out food in their doggie bowls and let them fight for it while I sit back and drink wine and watch youtube videos all day.

3. Wow, how do you afford all of them?
Whorin’. I mean, I have six kids so I’m obviously good at the sexy time. So I figured, why not put those talents to use and make some fat bank?

2. Did you plan to have so many kids?
Again, I was trying for a unicorn, or at least a pony. Because my parents never got me one.

1. How do you ever get anything done?
Thanks for reminding me how much I fail every single day at getting things accomplished. No, I don’t get anything done. Are you asking because it’s obvious that I haven’t showered or washed these pants in two weeks?

Now, where was the alcohol aisle again? ;)

On a MUCH more serious note, please think before you open your mouth to ask strangers questions about their personal life.  You don’t know if those children with that mom were just taken in as foster kids in an emergency situation, or if that mom is struggling to keep from losing her home, or if she just suffered a miscarriage and this is her first trip out to try and regain some sense of normalcy.  Those things really aren't anyone else’s business, so be kind and just smile and wish her a wonderful day instead. :)
It would be fun to use these smartass answers just once though. Lol!

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